The UnTitled Event

Here I am again climbing up
through the snow and ice and the song
the songs that they say these walls sing
I keep hearing a calling for my name
a kind of music that I can only fancy.

I see the smoke that no one saw
the dancing of stars behind the aurora
I find myself dancing but round and round
have I lost my way, also night and days
the winds singing my name, calling away.

All my senses have now failed me
alas, I see the first sign of life on these walls
the piles of undead, uncremeted, not buried but frozen
within this desert of white walls I hallucinate
I sense the urge to live hence I push on again.

Never give up, never give in, not now
my existence slowing down with my step
I try to find the sirens who point towards there
the inevitable there awaits me and I smile
here I fall, through the dept and land in heaven.

I wake up to suffocating chambers
a walking dead dream leads me to signs
once there was life here and I took a long breath in
my belly muttered and now my hunger leads me to the crystal pool
a place I, should not have been awaited me.

Now the sun rises and calls my name, 'awaken you'
I am up barely crawling, for one drop of water a grain of food
I dove in to what seemed pure death, yet I did not choke
the sun hit, the pool caught fire, I was on my skin
the rebirth was a purification of myself.

I was among the legends and now I could see it all
I sang along with the winds and found my new skin
I destroyed the trace of this heaven and silenced the sirens
I danced with the stars and saw my smoke of hope
now am here and this event shall be untitled.

My Life Is Colorless

The part of me that cries tears, bleeds blood
is a white devil and a dark guardian within
the songs I listen to are empty
like the colors and sounds of the wind
the howling my mourning to light.

As darkness falls the black takes over
but the dark blue sky brings white stars
the big moon is never a surprise
I am no longer empty in the dark
the stars fill color in my heart.

No I shall not run away
the joy of color is what I need
a simple smile fills up all that was empty
was white loneliness or black emptiness
that bothered me, I shall never know.

It's amazing to learn from people
not of their skin color but their lively thoughts
a thought is all it matters of rainbows or snow
nature brings dry colors desert, deep colored ocean
I don't know why I want to hide myself.

Words are colors, sentences my art
what I say I write, what I do I draw
colors different with meanings thrive in all of us
I usually get dimmed with black and white
it's not my hobby I guess I am without color

I cry, I laugh, and I disappear into nothing and everything
and my question is could I ever be something
so what color is anything ... I go blank.

Who We Are

Who we are, who we are,
who we are, who we are,
Who we are, for you to know,
Who we are, for you to play.

From the vast jungle,
you took away our mother
you took away our home place
we aren't here for you to play
not always to cry oh hell.

In the long fight,
who we are if not to stand
otherwise if to run
who we are for you to know
who we are for you to play.

Down the life root,
we are standing we are crying
you ran away with our souls
why can't you see we are crying
we care for you to play.

Up the high scrapper,
there you stay yes you are
why don't you say, yes you are
the one to come the one to save
the one to leave us alone the one to care.

Then again in the life's turn, there we are long long gone
who we are not to wear
like we are but to fear
you seem us too we are
but you win , on what we are.

Who we are, who we are
whoever we are but not a human
know we are now we are
for you to love for you to put us on the top.

Please we cry, no more feast
or less of our children's cry at-least
know who we really are, we are 'the innocent beasts'......

The Wait

Among the people I sit

the way I knew, unaware o travel

in words I trusted & I left

with chemicals beyond my mind

a plan that worked on no words.

On the way I drank I danced

I felt the obscurity of more what  I needed

prepared to meet whats right & wrong

I was meeting my loved ones

yet a little crashing I wanted to.

The pitiness of being and doing bad

the thoughts of laying my words right

I had to fly up in the skies

nothing new to me these customs

yet I defy the times that had me wait.

These words wouldn't be here if not

people quiet & mumblers all among us

I should be called a mindless poet

times always  plays with me

here I am writing these words.

Wish I had the habit of reading

a downfall of default yet I work fine

I do feel tired yet the wait isn't my enemy

the thought of masks all around

what I experience is what i was, me & will be.

It's been a while I met them

yet a dedication sounds way too off

time all I had, rushed to time all I have

now I wait & I know I will again

I despair with pride, my wait to my destination.

7-7-11

I Don't Know

It seemed a while but didn't last long
about come did it, I couldn't see
I could feel its presence the breath
I let go of it but its still inside me.

I close my eyes but I can't rest
I wish I could touch my dreams
I don't know why it seems so vain
I keep on losing myself in this scene.

I cannot think of anything, a mere excuse
& I refuse to give up I so want you
tell this to me, why play hard so
you're so hard to understand, go no clue.

Though I still don't know, I'm feeling it
my heart stops & pounds like it never did
even a thought of you is so amazing
I am an honest man & you are my only need.

I used my heart to fall in love with you
for the firs time, I want to be selfish
I don't know how you feel about me, let's talk
I am weak & confused so my heart trust was my crease.

There should have been so limits between us
I trusted you, you hid things from me
a talk is no explanations, it's the answer
live with me or leave me, just set me free.

I don't know why I feel so much for you
it's bogging me a lot, I can't think anymore
I want to live for myself now, NOW
I don't know anything about you, so I love you even more ...
(if anyone thinks it's about a girl then let me explain ... i used small childish words, because i am talking about how bad i have become when it comes to playing video games, or rather everyone else has leveled up ... i was a little upset on loosing for straight matches-on-matches, so ... this was my frustration)

Please Don't Leave Me

I don't want you to go
it stops my heart to even think so
so confused and so weak I feel
why do you keep on telling me to get real.

I am out of words, just have feelings for you
my craze of you, even my friends envy you
I'm lifeless even by your thought
my feelings for you, do you know not.

You had a past too you won't forget
I just shut up that I regret
we grew up then together
now then I know myself better.

I do not want to cry
please don't leave me, and away go fly
let me live, so you can too
it's this confusion I can get through.

All the way till end, shall I never give up
you are the reason I so much have hope
you may leave me, but please be fair
your truth and feelings could save me my own despair.
6-2-05

To Be Near

Now hear this part
I ain't no life apart
memories seem to disappear
I still can't feel you anywhere near.

(The fact the truth about
life is a bitch, so kick it out
life is a gift, a time to play
don't let this moment pass away)
... (dedicated to Akchat Chand, my friend)

I hear you in my thoughts
I swear I miss you a lots
reminiscence of those who care
to make you leave me, I cannot dare.

Afraid to lose is my fear
my plea, don't cry try to hear
them cries not to worry
no regret, please don't be sorry.

Bless you all by God I do
this confusion I so wanna get through
a new hope you do give me
God! its a wish, just no my plea.

Chaos

Sometimes impossible to explain 
I am here finally by myself 
like always the voices around me are noise 
I am not going anywhere like this 
just a chaos waiting to happen. 

There is no such perfection but 
it's you simply, I tell myself 
what I know is only my belief 
for it shall not skip my peace 
my mind tell me this, yet I cannot speak. 

My reason is starting to give up 
my wisdom is nothing rather sorrow 
I am a savior soul, this body crunching 
I cannot sleep with good thoughts 
I am lost in this playful wilderness. 

There is no dilemma, but my guts yell 
it's all diverted, I cannot focus 
working hard my soul is all in fatigue 
big words really don't describe me 
I am a simple myself alive. 

I take long breaths and I am quiet 
but there is no stopping to my noise 
that scream off my soul and noise 
i enjoy the music of peace 
now it comes again to hurt me.

I get my credit, get my choice 
Its a hard one but I sense chaos 
I know it will hurt me forever 
but I play my choice, my stand 
this silent life, this is a chaos. 

I Love You ???

You know I'm crazy, I'm insane
but i never go pass your lane
since there is only one, the dash
I wonder a dotted line, if it ever was.

Miss you always I do, never I say
can see to you all the bright way
won't now again I fall back in mess
'I love you' still, I won't confess.

I feel like I'm born to live and love
not match for us two eagle and dove
well sure it is unlikely but you know
I'm always matching you on your row.

Hey cut the temper I'm not the one afraid
cause you don't scare me, my true jade
I admire your fairness, I mean it
and do respect our friendship, I do bet.

Enough of my words, they are like crying
come on I always smile, tears seem dying
I can't even stand myself, well even then
I will stand by your-side, call me when.

I don't like serving but I'm hostile
smile and friendship will you get being my while
so I know you trust me and I do too
this is the way it works, not matter who
...cause my dear, I believe
friendship is trust and it bids love
and I Love You ... my friend ;)

The Feeling's Mutual

I don't like tears nor do I like blood 
cause I won't share tears but I will shed blood 
I feel pain not when I leave you 
but in my heart, when you leave me 
I won't feel unhappy if you do leave 
cause I will not pretend to hate, if I can't love 
I'm sorry your weeping are for yourself 
not for the world to share, except me 
I walk alone the dark street so I able to see 
with the vision of yours, the world for a single me-myself 
I was floating on a river of clouds in my dreams 
but I can't share it with you, perhaps it was a river of tears and blood.

Life And Faith

Life's moving like the sun
life's moving like the moon
life's moving like our thoughts
life's moving like our soul and ever resting.

Life's blowing like the wind
life's floating like the water
life's hardening like the rock
life's burning like fire, every-time, every-moment.

Life's struggling like a prisoner
life's fighting like a warrior
life's small like so pathetic
life's vast like the universe, here, everywhere.

Life's bright like the day
life's dark like the night
life's living like life life itself
life's even dead like the death so
You ...

you need not lose no faith
you need not lose no heart
you need not give up hope
you need to make it up ...

Not A Whole Lot

This time I got no excuse

rather she's a reason to be 

the fact is she loves me a lot

I'm afraid and as me, not a whole lot

but I could be lying.

I don't feel the same way

this era this year is different

the proposed is a little off

and am doing not a whole lot

but com'on I deserve a change too.

It's not that things are free

the face is all that I do see

I guess that's all I need here

but her not a whole lot

but again what do I know.

Time's running away early

I haven't done what i wanted to

I'm not sure who or what to blame on

must talk, work not a whole lot

but com'on G gimme MY break.

Why do they always ask

wish I could convince even one of them

we're all so different within

even thoughts, not a whole lot

but isn't that's the beauty of us.

Guess things'll never change

and I'll be the same, so shall she,

so shall the system, and all you all

what I need to prove here, not a whole lot

but Honestly not a whole lot, at all.

7-8-08

Disguise

Got my part time knowledge of life time overdue 
drove myself home in those warm arms 
with an ambition to climb heavenly mountains on this earth 
i set forth up where icy cold world awaits. 
Into the rural world i set myself 
a single breath for them all took lots of mine 
did hear the warm wishes and blessings 
yet i walked up, mountains calling me, yet not as a Nemesis. 
Met my challenge, broke my consciousness 
awaken i was yet surrounded by dark and chill 
got lost and found myself a hope of light 
a guest is an honor, he called me a Lord, i smiled in honor. 
Met a second dialect, the first who was welcomed 
words broke out, too did the wind since the time of his fathers 
i got warmth of the gift of Shangrila 
words spread out from the initial, i smiled in fear. 
Sleep came to all of us, our alarm was a hell blast of light 
my lord smiled and passed away, initial gone too 
a second gift of Giya i took upon yet i cried 
more hell broke loose but i camouflaged within this hell. 
I was there yet not present, my evidence like death 
gone were the death agents, gone were my trustees 
my last breath, the first strike from heavens, a light 
my blood the factor of awakening a new body. 
Time ran without me, i woke up in uncertainty 
found my way home, my way here my and all after 
now i am here back from death, awakened by the lights of heaven and hell 
all is clear to me, hence my DISGUISE, the Guardian Devil, CYCONOX ... 
I am my own alter ego ...

Understanding Your Loss

myself i get lost & alone, finding myself is a loosing game, these & those i do u see,
words from you that i weigh on, they are treasure but some poison on me... 

its not what u see & think, 'reason' with your all sides of life, am always there stuck n never free,
i want to be on the normal side & shine, but i enjoy fun & do myself a bribe... 

wishes we all got for life & so, wanting your need I listen & hear, things are just sounds i treasure words, lost u are & i'm almost there, lost also i have bot my soul from... 

no point on regrets & sound, talk about sorrows treasure them for goods, life as easy as you please it been there, only few years n i got upset with it, now i know i love it & why i treasure it... 

you ignore cause u r tired, tired cause you know it, you know it cause your interested,
interested cause you tired of it, tired of LIKEs...

(thankx Tyson for finding dis shit..........)

My Journey

Trying to find my own soul I traveled the whole seven seas 

all over the vast huge glance of seven lands here I am finally but I see no glory I am all gone empty 

truth that I do no fancy, I live it I dare not cry for being a man is hard 

getting a drain of myself my own blood I feed and drink i am getting thirsty this is making me crazy 

I doubt sometimes I can even hold it back the sounds in my head I cannot down suppress 

it's too easy to be funny but to cry is hard my life a boulevard and my feet are all naked am all hurt 

now it's getting dark & cold the wind so evil I dare not put myself back on bed I do not fall 

not much rest I even follow it's not what I imagined but none have fair match its always not a glory 

there seems to be no triumph but that is not my satisfaction also may I need a heart also may I need my life back 

there I know I lost my I might never come back so I sigh with a deep breath I jump into the deep trench 

I need to be on the top hills but why do I need a wing I wish I could fly now but why would I drown 

I am no victim nor do I need any pity I shout I hurt myself I hurt my soul now its personal 

things might never be easy knowledge of my own secure I do not feel a fright a dread of vision 

no sound no feeling no sense I think it's getting numb I am no hero I am no animal or a beast 

a man of my own will wish I could even control my efforts shall not blow in vain , for shall " The Guardian Devil, Arwoy Digna Reign !!! "

Hence my journey begins as The Guardian Devil but long will last for me a live dream 

I dare not do it awake shall I ever be now I am all red I know I feel it 

when shall I get this chance to be free I need to get out of cover my skin my hides 

there exists no boundary I know that so but I heard every one else not as better either 

what is this cover of hand of two huge manor also an eagle on the chest of that person 

a snake of green & unity on white shirt and the charm on the face of bitter sweet 

ah! the teacher has few values shall I adore dare not disrespect 

the more I think feel this burn inside of me the disturbance well yet does not bother me 

but I still care why I do not know we all have our eyes on those up front 

but I ought a think & be here doing this, this is the path I shall follow 

but mere dreams could they be & when I shall wake up I shall break free 

change is what that is going to come, no more shall I but run I know I can face my fear 

like I dreamt the ghosts shall be my side, by my darkness shall be my strength 

my bright light shall be my wisdom the evil is just an expression that I shout 

look out oh! its just the desperate me oh! baby where are you I lost you 

I do not cry people hold me now, I shall come out I shall master my own will !!!

Fire

Here it comes from the other side
rising up from the horizon's way
a light, a day light wide
dark bundles of stars fade away.

We know no where we come from
the other side or from the ground
who we are shall we ever know
our fate is here, here to end.

What is our fate, how is this fate
but still without any words it comes
though big brick we don't see the gates
my, my we are lost we won't be coming home.

Don't you for for us our life
we are not the one that exists you are
too hard for both, isn't it alike
it isn't the light of sun, it's the fire of war.

God To Man

I know I'm wrong every-time
but I don't wanna be a loser
they say they like me the way I am
tell me, so why can't I like them?

I know now why I feel special
a mortal body, an immortal soul
a brain from hell and a heavenly heart
question still remains, explain me what?

Why do I always pretend to be good
cause it's too hard and I feel sorry
no sorry, no thanks, ain't so trust worthy
I just know this you gotta believe in me.

I' evil like the devil, so angel-wise
just trying to be myself, read my eyes
cause what I feel ain't what I think
my words, my life go away with a blink.

I just wish you were here, don't want any
but trust me I don't know who you are
I'm no god, just an ordinary man
too lonely, too scared, come to me, and ...

Complications

I don't know what I see or believe
my questions just happen to be
the questions that are to be and to come
the answers which never come to me.

Difficult seems it very much now
don't know to answer these questions how
is it just me or does everybody
still stand as question, all those gesture.

Yes, it is just the gesture and smile
but tell me what are you thinking while
don't tell me it's my fault or your being
cause I don't understand you and else nothing.

It started with few lines, now observe
it's going wild and this I don't deserve
now, now just because you don't understand me
you can't misunderstand or disagree.

Please I say, tell me who you are
I feel so much for you, but why are we far
you call my shots, I'll even take hundreds
it's just a feeling, but why can't I wait?

You have the answers, I know I do too
but seem much wiser and I still ask who are you
why do I want to find my answers in you; anyway
well, you taught me to never give up.

I Saw It All

No poet can ever write my poem
or a song any writer could ever
today I saw death, felt it
no one can bring them back, never.

God I am not angry with you
your are my friend my true guide
my words have a past on which they live
my fear doesn't want to hide.

It's me the same old me
I still miss the one, never do I think
it's my wish, it's not a desire
in my path there it goes, with every blink.

I guess I shall never change, no
death, tears, blood, not even god
the change is from within
so is the voice, my voice crying from the hood.

The reason I just let out
now know what it is, but just me
is not the truth that I believe
than nothing is here, even the words,
let me be, just let me be.

Never Been Defeated

There is the chill again
the feel of pain again
I have no clue how to
why, so because it hurts.

Never have I felt this one
it was my choice to be
I lied the words were mine thought
a thought feels so empty.

Needless do they talk
needless to me was it either
have never been so defeated
I have not at all strength.

It was unnecessary but it was the best
in not all my fault
know I would end up torn
I hope my so lucky charm can shine.

Infinite Spaces

Infinite spaces I see I feel 
I got a lot to travel now 
I feel so sad and sick 
I don't know why am I so worried... 
Every one is so happy and joyful 
my eyes are red hot and burning 
those with stares ark for me 
and I overact, I ignore them... 
The one around me cheerful 
they are true friends of act 
yet me so left behind thought 
and I find no joy in any... 
Now there is a silence they all wonder in 
I feel smile but not truly me 
so much to understand here again 
I know the song I hear here... 
Now I know i am again ordinary 
I need to be and live simple like them 
all I wonder on dreams and imaginations 
no possibilities to fill my infinite space.

Like Ashes

I do this every day 
like the wind blows from far, 
I keep on missing you 
the night and days apart. 

When can I get back to you 
a wish only what I live on, 
why is it so hard for you 
let's bring back those days. 

Lonely is the time here 
every moment has passed, 
I get no reason to sigh 
my breathe is being wasted. 

Now I am doing it 
burning my smoke and thinking, 
you know it so I wonder 
I am wasting myself in ashes.

The Full Moon Howling

Dare not u shall forget me, 
I have seen u on the moon 
For years are none to go bye 
sorrow shall be overcome soon. 

Through the darkness I vail 
none can stop none can stop 
want u here in my arms I do 
the beat of my heart rises up. 

Huh ! I sigh there u stop to cry 
I am here as hard to do too 
you probably know how it feels 
my friends can read my eyes through. 

I howl as if I were a wolf 
wish could find back to u'r scent 
yes, the full moon I remember 
those are the moment I can't forget.

I'm Going Far

Today I travel, over my past 
hope I reach the least 
wish it isn't the last 
you didn't even say, how you felt! 

I am amazed, over my sight 
sleep by the day and 
I loose myself in the night-light 
why is this happening, none can explain! 

I tried a lot, but takes none, 
though could say it 
here, I am gone 
at least you could have, knew I waited! 

Sigh, still isn't late, ain't gone forever 
close to my heart, away shall 
you never be, my friend, 
we could have always loved each-other...

That 7:30 p.m.

Evening after the work's done 
I need to see you, I need you 
wanted it since then, I did 
was your wish, was my greed. 

Still miss that touch of yours 
too wanted to kiss you, I so much 
I so much, wanted to hug you then 
can't see you, I feel alone every-when. 

May be I was a fool or am I growing up 
smile brings about my face, I feel 
I feel you, I miss you here 
Forgive me, in love if you were. 

I followed my fantasy, you your way 
you're right I know but I'm not wrong either 
we were, are & always shall be 
what we feel is within, it's all now clear.

Oh Help Me Here

Still I feel the same pain 
doesn't need to get physical 
it grows by day & by night 
through my eyes cries in fright. 

They all say because they can 
could they have ever understood 
I wish they all had known 
how much do i feel the pain. 

Shall I ever be happy again 
a slight utter of your name here 
it hurts I feel like falling down 
if its not you, you are still my warm gown. 

Here I am alone, hurt & down 
you are all that it is to me 
all that ever can bring me back up 
I know you understand my pain is my love.

Map Of Fog

When the fog fills in, 
I say what I feel, 
see you in the mess there, 
to touch you is my appeal. 

Want to hold you once, 
that is all I ever want to, 
my life is just a map of fog, 
can't you ever see through. 

Will you ever be there, for, 
I am alone here without you, 
why have you ever not felt, 
like the way I do. 

Thus it seems I am just, 
not more than a friend to you, 
have you ever been alone, 
would you miss me and realize my - love for you.